I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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