in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
