Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
