my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
