did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
