really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
