just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
