I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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