Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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