that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
