u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
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