who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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