the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
