just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
