I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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