i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
