yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
