Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So squirting runs in the family.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
