How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
