my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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