Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
