Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
