Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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