It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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