u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
