I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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