Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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