Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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