I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
