First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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