You're so nebulous sometimes
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
