Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
