you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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