hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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