Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You brought string cheese to the strip club
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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