Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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