No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
