Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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