Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
