I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm both gender and math confused
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize