Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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