i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have already put on my inside pants.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
