dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
