I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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