No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She told me I should be a condom model.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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