"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
