apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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