Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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