it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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