Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
