So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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