Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
